Why Do Women Think Manicured Nails Are So Important?

Many women spend much time and coin having their fingernails painted and decorated. Toenails, as well, quite frequently. Is there evidence that young men find this bonny?
David, by email

Regular readers will know, I hope, how much this column appreciates correspondence. It'south y'all, the trivial people, who brand this all worthwhile, I say, tearfully clutching my Oscar. So, believe me when I say that it does cause me pain to criticise the questions I receive, only, equally celebrities are and then fond of saying these days, I must alive my truth. No one ever said being a journalist was like shooting fish in a barrel. Then, David, if I seem harsh in my reply, do not take it personally. You are merely the Watergate to my Woodward and Bernstein, and I must expose what's really going on here.

The slightly awkward thing, though, is that I've dealt with this particular issue – why women practice a matter even if men don't find information technology attractive – in this cavalcade many times before. And even so, strangely, it seems that not every unmarried man on the planet has received my truth. Why, only last week, a chap on a different, far inferior newspaper wrote, in regards to manner's fondness for skinny models: "They are not attractive to men or, surely, to women. Why so does this continue?" It's hard not to savour that what this male columnist seems to find most outrageous about extremely thin models is that they don't turn him on. Fingers crossed this becomes a running series in which we find what shape of women really does get his engine going! (Ideally silent ones, presumably, given that he apparently couldn't be bothered to enquire a single woman for her view on the subject area, just was instead reliably guided by his own hormones.) So, as yous can see, I accept to keep repeating this truth over and over.

For time to come reference, chaps, here is your handy cutting-out-and-proceed guide to some things women exercise that are not nearly yous:

Painting their nails or not painting their nails
Being sparse or non beingness thin
Wearing high heels or not wearing high heels
Wearing makeup or not wearing makeup
Wearing dresses or wearing jeans
Cut their hair short or keeping it long
Caring near fashion
Getting drunk
Having opinions
Disagreeing with you
Existing on this planet

Perhaps you are sensing a message here? Am I beingness also subtle? Fine, I'll spell it out: not everything a woman does is to turn men on. In fact, I'm going to go further and say the vast bulk of things a woman does in a mean solar day have absolutely zero to do with you. Sorry! Sure, sometimes a lady wants to look pretty, and she'll make some kind of effort – for some, this means makeup, for others information technology is putting on a favourite dress. But it does not follow that every time every woman wears heels or eyeshadow, she is trying to turn you on.

Women practice things for the same reason you do things: to please themselves. Sometimes to impress their friends, occasionally to impress other women, but mainly for themselves. Because they are humans, non fembots put on this planet purely to tantalise yous. What's that you're shouting? Some kind of Dawkins-light evolutionary argument nearly how all humans are programmed to pursue sexual practice at all times considering the human being species depends on it blah apathetic blah? Two-discussion response to that: cargo shorts. Yous know perfectly well that cargo shorts will not help you in your pursuit of sexual activity, and you know this because women – including this adult female – have told y'all how ugly they are. And nevertheless, you lot continue to habiliment them, because you like them. But similar women wear things you don't like. Case, I do believe, airtight.

'Ring! Why won't you ring!' — 'Ring! Why won't y'all ring!' Photograph: Oliver Rossi/Getty Images/Corbis RM Stills

I slept with someone ii days ago and they haven't called me since. Should I call first?
Everyone on the planet, at some point in their lives

Oh, humans, what sweet little misguided souls y'all are. Because nosotros've all been here, haven't nosotros? Your fingers hovering above the number in your contacts list, wondering how you can call and make it sound ever and so casual. I in one case called someone and when he answered I pretended I had dialled him by blow (cunning plan!) so was and then all, "Oh! I must have barrel dialled you!", thereby achieving the amazing double feat of making him think of my butt and forcing him to speak to me. Information technology really is astonishing I remained single until I was 35.

The matter to remember, dear people, is that y'all don't actually want to telephone call this person. Y'all desire them to call yous, which is pretty much the opposite of you calling them. You know all this. You know this.

The real question you need to ask yourself is why y'all want to spend your time with someone and then thoughtless they don't even telephone call you the adjacent day, someone who you have to fob to talk to you lot. Because, dear readers, all of you, everywhere, are worth more than than that.